OSMONDMANIA! – Dandy Fun House episode 45

Riddle me this funheusers! What is squeaky clean, Mormon to the max, has big teeth, more legs than you can count, has sold over 77 million records worldwide yet you’ll almost NEVER hear on the radio? … Give up? IT’S THE OSMONDS! And in this episode of the Dandy Fun House, I’m going to give you all the Osmonds you can eat! Let’s step into the fun house!

Hello and welcome to the Dandy Fun House video show, podcast and blog. This is where we meticulously polish all the retro pop culture, toys and games and all the fun stuff you can handle until it’s sparkly!

I’m your host Neil Dandy and I hope you’re in for a wild ride on some Crazy Horses today because this episode is all about The OSMONDS!

But first, I need to tell you about these funky fresh DANDY FUN HOUSE T-SHIRTS!

With cloth harvested from the ancient fabric mines of darkest Peru and hand-woven by enchanted pygmies, you’re going to look and feel amazing. It comes with a front AND a back so you don’t get cold and we cut 4 holes in ’em for practicality’s sake. One to crawl your body into, one to stick your head out of and two to poke your arms through. I mean who wants a shirt they can’t stick their head out of? Well you won’t have that problem here! Just get over to dandyfunhouse.com and get yours today!

Oh yeah! And if you have one of those remote jobs but your boss still makes you come to the office here and there for no apparent reason… so you badge in, grab a coffee, make your presence known then badge out and go home to get your real work done… then YOU are a Coffee Badger and here at the Dandy Fun House, we salute and honor you! We also feel your pain and frustration so we made a commemorative t-shirt just for you to be relentlessly passive agressive in! It’s the unlimited edition COFFEE BADGER t-shirt! Badge in. Caffeinate. Badge Out! and if that weren’t snarky enough, we even made a special Coffee Badger coffee mug to drive the point home to your jerk boss before you badge out, wave a few inappropriate hand gestures and drive home… Or to the coffee shop… You really overdo it with the coffee don’t you? Anyway, go get your quiet-quitting self over to dandyfunhouse.com and get your Coffee Badger gear before we run out!

Wow, where do you even start with a subject like this. It’s like trying to package up the Jacksons albeit without the psychic hot line and creepy home amusement park. (Lollipops! Lollipops!)

It’s the story of a humble farm family from Ogden, Utah who served their church as worship musicians, eventually finding themselves becoming household names worldwide.

George Osmond Sr. and Olive Osmond had 9 kids: Jimmy, Jay, Alan, Merrill, Wayne, Donny, Marie, Virl and Tom.

Those last two were both born with hearing disabilities so in 1958 brothers Merrill, Wayne, Alan and Jay began singing around town to raise money for hearing aids and also church missions. Their ages at this time were ranging from only 3 to 9 years old.

After a few years of performing locally, their father George entered the boys into a barbershop singing contest in sunny Southern California. During this trip, they went to Disneyland just for a family fun day and were being entertained by a vocal group in the park known as the Dapper Dans.

The boys started singing along and managed to catch the attention of Disneyland’s Director of Entertainment, Tommy Walker.Mr. Walker pulled the family aside and made an offer to hire the boys to perform in the park starting the following Summer.

They accepted and the following year began performing in the park as The Osmond Brothers which presented the added benefit of new opportunities such as appearances in the Kurt Russell tv series, THE TRAVELS OF JAIMIE McPHEETERS. The Osmond Brothers were also included in a 1962 episode of DISNEYLAND AFTER DARK.

During the Osmond Brothers‘ appearance on Disneyland After Dark, a man named Jay Williams took notice of the group and called his son Andy and insisted that he book them on none other than THE ANDY WILLIAMS SHOW. The brothers became an instant hit and were invited back repeatedly throughout the remainder of the show’s run which continued until 1967.

The Osmond Brothers didn’t take this newfound acclaim for granted and dedicated themselves to relentless rehearsal in a quest to be the best and “One-Take Osmonds” became their new nickname amongst the Andy Williams staff because they always showed up polished and ready to hit the mark. This discipline was largely attributed to their father George’s military background and strictness which was instilled into all the kids.

During the group’s time with The Andy Williams Show, younger brother Donny was eventually brought into the fold and not too long after, Marie and Jimmy. America was falling in love with the Osmonds!

What else was there to do but take the show on the road, so The Osmonds embarked on a very successful European tour with Swedish singer Lars Lonndahl.

When the Andy Williams Show eventually came to a conclusion in 1967, without skipping a drumbeat, the Osmonds inked a deal to become regular performers on THE JERRY LEWIS SHOW which continued until 1969 at which time THE ANDY WILLIAMS SHOW came back and the Osmonds returned to Andy! It was like watching a dang ping pong match!

As the 60’s came to a conclusion, the Osmonds made the bold and somewhat controversial move to embrace a more pop and rock sound which was a hard pill for father George to swallow as a devout Mormon, but he was eventually convinced and gave his blessing.

This proved to be a very lucrative move because although they began making records in the mid-60’s, it wasn’t until 1971 when they released the pop song ONE BAD APPLE that they earned their first chart-topping hit.

 

This was largely due to record producer Mike Curb taking the band under his wing and teaming them up with legendary R&B producer Rick Hall whom they recorded with at iconic Muscle Shoals Sound Studio in Sheffield, Alabama. Mike Curb signed the Osmonds to MGM Records and ONE BAD APPLE topped the Billboard Hot 100 for 5 weeks straight.

Their subsequent releases during this time  like Double Lovin’, Yo-Yo, Sweet and Innocent, Go Away Little Girl, Hey Girl and the classic Puppy Love also charted but none reached number one.

1972 brought the cultural emergence of Album-Oriented-Rock (known today as Classic Rock or Dad Rock) and the Osmonds tried their own hand with a harder-edged sound. During this time, Donny was relegated largely to an instrumentalist role as a keyboardist due to puberty changing his voice.

They released the album CRAZY HORSES which featured the hit songs HOLD HER TIGHT as well as the title track, CRAZY HORSES which was a not-so-veiled statement about vehicles and air pollution.

They toured the United States and Europe where they racked up a staggering run of 13 hit songs on the UK charts in the year 1973. This global phenomenon of Osmond fever even sparked a new term: OSMONDMANIA!

But you know you haven’t really arrived until they turn you into a cartoon! And cartoon the Osmonds they did with a Saturday morning series on ABC simply titled: THE OSMONDS.

By the mid-70s, various members of the group found themselves becoming married and with multiple new families starting, their touring schedule slowed to a crawl and unfortunately along with it, their record sales.

The younger siblings Marie, Jimmy and Donny decided to take matters into their own hands and all set out on 3 individual and successful solo careers with Jimmy hitting number one in the UK with LONG HAIRED LOVER FROM LIVERPOOL, Marie hitting number one on the American Country charts with PAPER ROSES and Donny smashing the top 40 charts with an unprecedented string of twelve hit songs. Donny Osmond was an undeniable teen idol!

The Osmonds were still performing as a band, but now Donny was driving the Osmondmobile with the family band happily backing him up.

In 1976 with the help of ABC, the Osmond family band was repackaged into a television variety show called THE DONNY AND MARIE SHOW which became a massive success. We’re talking a star-studded cavalcade of guest stars, lunchboxes, t-shirts, dolls and most anything else you can think of. DONNY AND MARIE WERE WHITE HOT! She was a little bit country! He was a little bit rock and roll! Together, they were a freaking cash cow!

This show was so big that ABC even built Donny and Marie their own production facility named OSMOND STUDIOS in Orem, Utah where the show was filmed.

But like most things white hot, they burned bright and fast and by 1979, America had had its fill of Donny and Marie and the show concluded. But that didn’t stop the brother / sister act from taking more shots starring in a movie called GOIN’ COCONUTS which went coco-nowhere and recording two unsuccessful albums, attempts at early 80’s sitcoms and a revival of their variety show. All falling flat.

Now Marie Osmond as a solo artist did enjoy a string of country hits in the mid-80’s including her number one duet with Dan Seals “MEET ME IN MONTANA.” She also starred in Broadway musicials through the mid 90’s, a 1995 ABC sitcom called MAYBE THIS TIME and teamed up with Donny once again in 1998 for a new version of DONNY AND MARIE in more of a talk show format which lasted two seasons.

in 2001, Marie released a book designed to help women suffering post-partum depression entitled MARIE OSMOND BEHIND THE SMILE and after gaining 40 pounds following her mother’s stroke, she followed Mom’s urging to re-dedicate herself to her health and in 2007 Marie started on the Nutrisystem plan losing 50 pounds and becoming the brand’s official spokesperson. She even developed her own program within Nutrisystem called COMPLETE 50 targeted for women 50 and older.

Meanwhile, Donny got back to his solo career releasing the song SOLDIER OF LOVE in 1989 which became a hit in the UK, but in America, the Osmond brand had become a bit toxic due to the squeaky clean image and sensibilities of the modern times. So promoters in the US shopped the song as being from a “Mystery Artist” only revealing Donny’s identity once it earned some chart credibility reaching number 2. Donny followed this success with two more songs which became lesser hits: SACRED EMOTION and MY LOVE IS A FIRE which reached 13 and 21 respectively.

In 1998, Donny lent his singing voice for the animated film MULAN with the song I’LL MAKE A MAN OUT OF YOU.

Then like his sister Marie, tried his hand on Broadway as Gaston in the stage production of Beauty and the Beast and then a stunning 2000 performance run as the lead in the touring production of JOSEPH AND THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOR DREAMCOAT.

Donny also hosted games shows such as the revival of PYRAMID which ran from 2002 – 2004 and won DANCING WITH THE STARS in 2009.

During this time Donny and Marie put together a 90 minute live show for the Flamingo Las Vegas which was originally only supposed to last for 6 months but became an overwhelming surprise hit to the point that the show continued for an 11 year run winning the BEST SHOW IN VEGAS Award for 3 consecutive years from 2012 – 2014. Their showroom was officially renamed to THE DONNY AND MARIE SHOWROOM in 2013 to honor the achievement.

Now let’s rewind a bit back to the 80s to back up to speed on the rest of the Osmond clan. During the 80’s the Osmonds fell badly into debt due largely to teaming up with new business partners who ended up embezzling from them instead of investing in them. Many of these “partners” ultimately went to prison for their crimes but the damage was done.

Due to the Osmonds strongly-held religious beliefs, father George was steadfast against declaring bankruptcy and ordered his children to honor all financial obligations by whatever means necessary, forcing the family to return to performing until all debts were satisfied.

Thus the OSMOND BROTHERS reformed with Jay, Merrill, Wayne and Alan and leaned into the burgeoning movement of country pop.The Osmond Brothers enjoyed a couple of top 30 country hits but the new recordings largely fizzled with the more modern audiences.

The family was also reluctant to tour and made the choice instead to set up their own theater, THE OSMOND FAMILY THEATER in Branson, Missouri and promote themselves through videos.

By 1983, all family debts were satified and the OSMONDS were financially free!

In 1987, Merrill Osmond teamed up with female country artist Jessica Boucher and had hit song called YOU’RE HERE TO REMEMBER, I’M HERE TO FORGET. But Merrill distanced himself from his clean cut Osmond ties by calling the duet simply Merrill and Jessica due to the lyrical content not really jiving with the wholesome Osmond image.

Meanwhile, Alan Osmond retired from performing due to living with Multiple Sclerosis, but his eight sons took up the Osmond mantle performing as the OSMOND BOYS, later changing their name to THE OSMONDS, SECOND GENERATION.

One of Alan’s sons, David went on to form the OSMOND CHAPMAN ORCHESTRA.

Wayne Osmond survived a brain tumor in 1997 which rendered him deaf and also suffered a stroke which left him unable to play guitar.

In 2002 The Osmond Family Theater in Branson, Missouri closed it’s doors for good but The Osmonds still perform in Branson, during Christmastime to this day.

Despite all of the retirements and health setbacks, the entire Osmond Family came back together in 2007 to celebrate 50 years as a performing family and embarked on a European tour as well as filming a television special in Las Vegas which was their only US performance. Andy Williams even made a surprise appearance at the Vegas show.

In 2018, Alan and Wayne teamed up with their family one final time at the Neal S. Blaisdell Center in Honolulu, Hawaii in what was billed as their final performance ever.

Jimmy Osmond also retired that year due to a stroke.

In April 2022 Merrill Osmond also announced his own retirement.

These days, DONNY AND MARIE continue to tour worldwide…

and Jay Osmond continues to perform in Branson Missouri with Nathan Osmond.

Despite selling over 77 million records worldwide during their incredible 50+ year run, you will rarely hear an Osmond song on the radio these days or used in film or television ranking the OSMONDS as one of the most successful yet least enduring music groups in modern history as far as having their classic hits survive in current rotation. Even so, the OSMONDS contribution to pop culture history and their influence throughout the decades cannot be denied.

And now YOU have the scoop on just about all the Osmond history and happenings that I’ve been able to scrape up and force feed you! How’s it tasting?

Do you have any special Osmond memories to share? Are Donny and Marie one of your secret guilty pleasures? Do you turn the volume up to 11 in your car with the windows rolled up while streaming PUPPY LOVE on Pandora? I want to know! Please leave a comment, like and subscribe depending on where you are enjoying this episode!

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Ok, it’s time for me to get the Osmond outta here! Come back soon right here to the Dandy Fun House where everything is always… FUN AND DANDY! And may tomorrow be a perfect day!